I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
