he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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