We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize