I'm really into asian looking animals
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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