i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
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I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
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I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"