She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just blew my weed a kiss
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
you never un-have a 4some
I think I swiped left on my soulmate