Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
