Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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