Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize