the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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