Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
