i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize