Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
