i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Barsexuality is the new black.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
