I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
