wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
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That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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