Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My life is pants optional.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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