I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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