Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
