My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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