I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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