He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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