He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize