I think I just saw someone hide a body.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Drunk is not a location!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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