We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
