My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
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We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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