We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
