Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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