Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
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Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
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I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize