She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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