We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.