my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.