I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
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day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
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Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.