are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
