If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
