Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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