I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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