I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
