The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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