just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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