I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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