I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
