How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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