someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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