Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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