Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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