Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
