I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
