Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
