meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
