Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize