my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
