the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize