Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize