great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
